


Of Dwarrodams, Dwarves and a Hobbit

by shaunaoc



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Autistic Character, F/M, Future Pairings to be decided, Idiots in Love, M/M, Oblivious Bilbo, Thorin Is an Idiot, Thorin has a daughter, Though there will be Bagginshield, always Bagginshield
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-09-25 11:01:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9817100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shaunaoc/pseuds/shaunaoc
Summary: Thorin and Company come across a rare sight in their travels, the elusive female dwarf! (Dwarrowdam Mr. Baggins) However this dwarf seems to be living on her own and has very little knowledge of her people and customs! ('Tell me Fili, why is it she reminds me of mother sometimes?', 'not NOW Kili') Follow the new addition to the Company and the adventures they get up to as she discovers more about herself and those around her!(Just your standard re-telling of the Hobbit series with a bit of a 'what if' thrown in the middle. First time uploading and I also dont have a beta so if mistakes are spotted please let me know)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been fighting with the urge to write my own fanfic for quite a while, it's been many years since I've done so and I'm more than a little bit rusty. However this story has been thrashing in my brain to get out and it finally won over my last resolve. Give it a read, some kudos and if anyone has any comments or feedback I'd be more than happy to hear it!

It had been a week or so since Bilbo had made his somewhat impulsive decision to join the company of Thorin Oakenshield on their quest to reclaim their lost home of Erebor, and of course to play his part in the additional minor detail of ridding said lost home of its current very large, scaled and fire breathing occupant. Surprisingly however that was not what was weighing heavily on the hobbit’s mind. What was currently occupying Bilbo’s thoughts was how he was trying to find his place within the company, whilst none of the Dwarves were outwardly hostile, bar the leader of course Thorin always had a comment to make about the _Halfling_ or _Burglar_. None of the dwarves had accepted him as one of their own nor had acknowledged him as anything other than a nuisance or burden.  
  
Bilbo let out a frustrated sigh as these troublesome thoughts played through his mind he was trying, surely they could see that at least? he gave Myrtle a few gentle squeezes to pick up her pace up to a canter ‘best not to fall behind’ he thought to himself lest he give the mighty King under the Mountain another reason to snarl at him. Bilbo struggled with the urge to roll his eyes, instead resigned himself to his place near the back of the group, listening to the whisperings of the young princes who were no doubt planning their latest prank. He eyed them with slight hesitation hoping he was not to be the victim, honestly he was still finding spiders, ants and other…. Insects in his small clothes from their last prank.  
  
The day passed on without much excitement, save for Nori who nearly fell off his own horse as the result of a well-aimed pinecone thrown by the resident archer. Bilbo did admit it was quite a shot, and although entertaining it thankfully didn’t result in any scowling at the hobbit’s expense, so he counted that as a positive.  
  
They came across a slight hill which had the ruins of an old house when it was decided that they finally stopped for the day. Bilbo quietly dismounted and set about tending to Myrtle, fondly scratching her neck whilst Thorin gave about orders “Fili, Killi look after the ponies, and make sure you stay with them” he commanded before turning to the others “Oin, Gloin get a fire going” Knowing he wasn’t going to be asked to do any task, for he was obviously so inept to do anything of use the hobbit instead snuck an apple to Myrtle before she was herded off by the princes.  
   

She was quite a sweet thing, for a pony that is and was very patient with him, he was new to this whole ‘adventuring’ nonsense. His smile dropped at the sudden arguing that started nearby, “I did not give you that Key so that you should hold on to the past” “I did not know that it was yours to give!” growled Thorin in reply causing the wizard to shake his head and stride off in the opposite direction triggering Bilbo to nervously approach him “where are you going?” “To seek the company of the only one around here with any _sense_ ” Bilbo hesitated for a moment before inquiring “and who’s that?” “MYSELF Master Baggins!” Gandalf snarled before muttering “I’ve had enough of dwarves for one day”. As he stormed out of the camp Bilbo could not help but feel just a little bit insulted, he liked to think of himself with a Hobbit of sense, after all he was a Baggins! Shaking his head slightly he turned to look at how the company leader was taking the wizard’s storming off only to balk at how smug he looked. ‘Of all the arrogant- well.. let’s hope that’s all the conflict for one afternoon’  
  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
After finding a secure place to place the ponies for the night the youngest members of the Durin line set out to scout the area “Best to make sure we’re safe after all” Killi winked as he pushed his way past some bushes “yes, and not at all because you don’t want to babysit ponies” his brother teased with a shake of his head, following behind. The woodland was thick but not uninhabitable, it was easy to see that there was a large ecosystem, perhaps they could come back with a few bits of game for dinner. The archer stumbled over the roots of a large tree that had fallen, frowning at his older brother “oh like you would rather brush and braid manes than be out here _doing_ something” he argued before taking another look at the area. “I would rather do what UnCLEEE-EEIIIK!” Fili let out a startled yelp as his foot got caught in a snare, propelling himself in the air several feet as his weapons fell from their sheaths “Fili!” Kili spun around, drawing his bow and notching an arrow with an impressive speed “I’m alright” he replied, spitting some hair from his mouth “it seems we’re not alone in these woods...” he mumbled, glaring across the foliage.  
  
Taking a stance, Kili moved to step closer towards his brother when the sound of a branch snapping could be heard in the distance, almost faster than a blink Kili had shot an arrow towards the sound, frowning when no sound of a hit was made. He waited, neither of the princes making a sound in case they should miss any sign of their opponent. A minute or so passed before several meters in the opposite direction a clunk could be heard. Drawing his bowstring back once more Kili took a step forward to get better ground only to let out a startled shriek when his own foot got caught in another snare, his arrows toppling to the ground as he too was hung upside down.  
  
“Oh sweet Mahal!” Fili groaned as his brother spluttered red faced beside him “it’s not as if I could SEE it!” he hissed reaching out to smack Fili who in turn attempted to block the assault which resulted in the pair of them flailing in midair. They stopped however at the sound of rustling “who goes there!” Fili demanded, attempting to channel his inner uncle and look intimidating which combined with the rush of blood to his head only served to make him look somewhat constipated.  
  
A figure stepped out into the open, the boys were surprised at the short stature of them. Another dwarf perhaps? “you two eejits set of my traps and shot arrows at me, if anything I should ask who goes here!” again there came surprise at the sound of the voice, the pitch was higher than a male and somewhat husky. The figure approached more in their line of vison and both princes’ jaws dropped at the sight.  
  
It was a Dwarrowdam.  
  
She was dressed in an assortment of pelts and leathers, well worn, sporting several tears and a coating or two of dirt. Clutched in her hand was an axe, not nearly as large nor as impressive as Jasper and Grasper but she held it with as much ferocity as Dwalin held his. Her hair was black and much like the rest of her was coated in grime and dirt, her beard wasn’t even braided! Suddenly she stood in front of them and they could see that her eyes were a deep blue, almost like Sapphires. Kili was briefly reminded of his mother but was very quickly snapped out of this thought by the sudden shout “Well?”  
  
“Well, what?” coughed Fili, trying to regain some composure, despite viewing the sudden rare female Dwarf upside down. Said female let out an impatient snort “why’re you here setting off my traps?” she demanded with a nod up towards their feet. “We didn’t mean to set them off!” Kili protested from beside his brother “we didn’t see them”, the dwarrowdam squinted suspiciously at the younger Durin, Kili was thankfully saved by any further scrutiny by his brother “we’re traveling” he explained, causing the woman to once again turn her attention to him “traveling” she repeated “and it seems we’ve gotten a bit... misplaced”  
  
There was a few moments of silence before the scruffy black haired dwarrowdam let out another growl, however it seemed to be more of frustration than anything else “you shouldn’t be gettin’ ‘misplaced’ in these woods!” she jabbed the blonde prince in the chest with a finger “isn’t _safe_!” she emphasised her point with another jab. “Not to worry about us lass, we can look after ourselves” Kili grinned in a confident manner beside his brother, only to be roughly elbowed in the stomach by his brother and be stared at by the female in front of him in a way that made him think that he might not have made his point as well as he had hoped. Clearing his throat Fili once again reclaimed her attention “what isn’t safe?” “th’woods”, the blond prince resisted the urge to growl himself “Yes you said that, I mean what _about_ the woods isn’t safe?” he clarified with a frown, wondering what could be dangerous in this area and also just what was a dwarrowdam doing so far from any known caravans or mountains.  
  
Taking a breath the Dwarrowdam opened her mouth to explain only to be cut off by a loud roar of “FILI, KILI” and the battlecries of several angry Dwarves.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter just... refused. It would not comply, it would not be written and when it DID it was only to be rewritten! But hopefully the rest will flow better from now on, after all it is just for fun.
> 
> Not too sure about any ships just yet. Aside from BagginShield that is.
> 
> Feel free to comment! Comments feed me!

Taking a breath the Dwarrowdam opened her mouth to explain only to be cut off by a loud roar of “FILI, KILI” and the battle cries of several angry Dwarves.

The female quickly spun, her back to the two strung up princes and her weapon held in a defensive position. She mentally snarled at her lowered guard and how she had allowed herself to be trapped by what seemed to be a gaggle of Dwarves.

There were dwarves emerging from the surrounding woodland with their weapons drawn and completely surrounding her. And yet something seemed to surprise them causing them to slow down in their approach, their cries dwindling down as various expressions of shock crossed each of their features. They made no move to attack but held their weapons firmly. She swallowed, blue eyes flickering quickly from face to face. There was no way she could take them all on and even escape seemed useless, but she was firm in her stance refusing to submit to these strangers. 

Several minutes of shocked silence seemed to pass by the group before it was broken by a dwarf with a large mane of thick black hair and heavy furs on his broad shoulders “Release my nephews” he growled in a low and dangerous tone. The girl narrowed her expression, seeming to calculate what her best option would be for it was clear that this was the Dwarf who commanded the others. There was a moment where the rest of the company thought that the female would not comply with their king’s command, which would put them in a very awkward situation indeed. But after a few moments where there was nothing but the pair of them staring intently into each other’s eyes to see whether the other would back down. Eventually however the Dwarrowdam let out a shot breath and took several steps to the side before slicing a previously unnoticed twine of rope which promptly dropped the dangling princes like two sacks of potatoes letting out less than dignified yelps of surprise.  
To which they would later deny.

Immediately the boys found themselves hauled up to their feet by their uncle and Dwalin, the former hurriedly gave them a once over whilst the latter kept both hands on his axes and both eyes on the dwarrowdam who had ‘captured’ the princes. Once he was satisfied that his nephews were not harmed Thorin set aside the scolding he was going to give them later and instead turned to face the stranger, taking in her appearance properly this time from her unkempt, matted beard to the several layers of grime that coated both her clothing and her skin He also noted that she seemed quite young. For her part, she did not falter under the scrutiny of the stranger and instead chose to stubbornly tilt her head back and meet his stare. Thorin was not sure whether he was impressed or annoyed, either way his eyes narrowed, “drop your weapon, state your name and your purpose here” he ordered with a nod towards the she was holding axe. Much to his surprise this only prompted her to clutch her weapon tighter as she retreated another step, glaring wildly at the company who were gradually closing ranks around her.

She returned her unforgiving gaze back to the king.

“No” it was a short and firm reply which let every dwarf know that her mind was set on the matter. Thorin’s eyes stayed level with her own, unblinking and perhaps holding a shard of respect or it simply could be annoyance “Master Nori” he nodded to the star haired dwarf as the Dwarrowdam quickly found herself disarmed by the thief and held in the firm but not rough hold of the eldest ‘Ri’ brother. She wildly started thrashing and snarling against him like a wild animal. Dori for his part held her with the sort of ease which suggested this wasn’t the first time he had held someone in such a way. A few bets would later be made whether it was Ori or Nori who was at the opposing end of the hold. Instead of getting frustrated with the wild misgivings for the female the silver haired dwarf only started to tut “now, now really there’s no need for that sort of behaviour”, he let out a quiet huff as the female attempted to elbow him in his diaphragm, adjusting his hold so that she couldn’t squirm as much “there now, isn’t that better” he said in a pacifying tone. A bit out snarl was given in reply. 

The Dwarrowdam was thrashing as much as she could in a blind panic before angling her head back to the eldest of the Ri siblings “If yer going to kill me at least give me my axe so I can have halfa’ chance!”.

This caused Dori, along with every other dwarf to stiffen in shock. The following silence was enough to cause the dirty female to stop her struggling although she still cast distrustful glares around the company thinking that perhaps this was simply a ruse of some sort. “K-Kill you!?” Dori spluttered causing the girl to stare up at him “why would we do tha- why would you THINK that?!” The dwarf that took her axe stood forward “have you done anything warranting us to kill you?” he asked in a suspicious tone, which for some reason caused the tallest Dwarf to snort loudly “we’re not going to kill you!!” “Uncle tell her we aren’t going to kill her!” the two youngest dwarves were at their uncles sides casting him pleading looks whilst he could only blink at the Dwarrowdam, apparently still processing what she had said to them.

It was an older dwarf with a long white beard who spoke next, approaching the young girl as he did so “why would you think we’d be killing you lass?” he questioned gently whilst she considered him for a moment “you attacked an’ took me axe” came the blunt reply which was enough at least to warrant a few awkward coughs. “We only sought to find our missing companions, we were… surprised to find them in the company of a lady such as yourself” The theft of the axe was not mentioned, which the girl noticed with a deepening frown. “Do… you live around these parts?” he asked politely as the restrained dwarrowdam continued to glare, she was getting tired with whatever it was that these dwarves were playing at. Wishing they would either kill her or leave and be done with it.

The company noticed her hesitation and it was Dwalin who spoke next “Sooner ye answer the questions the sooner we might let ye go” he growled, obviously not as patient as the rest of his group and proceeded to ignore their indigent replies of “of COURSE we’ll be letting her go!” “can’t very well hold a dwarrowdam hostage!” This went unnoticed by the girl who, sensing defeat proceeded to Let out a frustrated breath at the situation before reluctantly nodding “whatd’ye want t’know?” she grumped, her posture slouching slightly against the bulk that held her. “Your name for one, and just what you are doing in these woods?” The leader asked, the female raised both her brows at the question, shooting him an unimpressed look “I live here” she replied slowly, as if talking to a slow child. Which instead of causing Thorin to go into a small rage, instead caused whisperings to start up between the rest of the dwarves.

The King did note that she had yet to mention a name.

“How long have you lived here?” Dwalin demanded in outrage. The girl shrugged awkwardly from within the hold seeming slightly disarmed at his sudden change in tone “A while.. some few years probably” “did she say years?” Kili hissed to his brother who could only nod mutely in response. 

At the continued whispers and stares the dwarrowdam frowned in a defensive manner “what?!” she bit out, which caused the whispers to quiet down although not quite stop altogether “do you live with your family then Lass?” the white bearded dwarf spoke with a patient tone, the girl replied with a negative shake of her head “live by myself”, “where would your family be then?” came the follow up question “don’t have one”. This answer caused an outcry and the suddenly confused woman found herself now being cradled as the dwarf holding her seemed to be crying into her hair, his whole frame shaking “oh you POOR THING!” he sobbed, one hand rubbing up and down her back. At this sensation, the female once again started to struggle in his hold, the touch of comfort was unfamiliar to her. The two dwarves that had entrapped themselves in her snares were also attempting to hold her, each of them shouting how they would adopt her, in fact the whole company of dwarves made a large ruckus of shouted words she couldn’t understand that she was starting to find herself slightly dizzy.

“where’s yer family?!”

“how long have you been on your own?”

“what’s your clan?”

 

“ENOUGH!”

Everyone paused at the outburst and slowly turned their heads to face the company leader who took a deep breath before speaking “There’s no sense in continuing this discussion out in the open” he paused looking around at the company before settling a level stare at the girl “state your name and then let us return to the camp before the Halfling decides to burn it down” This caused a few sparse chuckles but the roundest of the dwarf seemed to recoil in horror before taking off in an impressive sprint, This caused louder chuckles along with a cry of “wait Bombur! Yer stew’ll be fine!” from the hatted dwarf before he too shook his head with a wry chuckle before following after his brother.

 

There was a few more moments of silence before all eyes were on the dwarrowdam, she took in the stares. Some were open, friendly and inviting, others were slightly suspicious but none were openly hostile. She sighed, seeing that she had no other option “Yara” she spoke, before clearing her throat “m’names Yara”

At this point Dori had; albeit reluctantly, set down the stranger before bowing deeply “apologies for my actions earlier my lady Yara, I am Dori, Son of Vori. At your service” At his introduction the rest of the dwarves began to scuttle over to make their own introductions. Not seeming to be aware at the confused frown that came over the woman’s face.

“There’ll be plenty of time for pleasantries at camp” Thorin grouched, marching onwards tugging his reluctant nephews behind him as the pair seemed insistent on casting curious glances to the female at the end of the group.

 

Yara for her part was… confused, she could count on one hand the amount of times she had encountered dwarves in her lifetime and now in one day a whole gaggle of them came running into her path. 

And seemed to scoop her along with them.

The journey to their camp was short and the girl found herself wedged between several of them, each pushing each other out of the way so as to have words with her, telling them about themselves and their wares and family and talking over one another so loudly and quickly that she could hardly keep up. They did mention their names, though bother it all if she could remember.  
“Of course the wee lad all but tore down the mountain! Haha but he’s too young for this sort of business 65 years young n he thinks he’s fit for traveling!” the dwarf broke off into a loud roar of laughter, Yara looked at him finally tuning into the conversation, frowning “65 is… too young for travelling?” she questioned, eyes scanning over the dwarves noticing how most seemed to be quite older in years however her eyes landed on the two dwarfs who ensnared themselves in her trap and noticed how young they looked.

“Well for adventuring I should certainly say so!” Dori fussed from beside her, he was the only one who had managed to keep his position beside her, insistant on plucking twigs and leaves from the back of her hair and clothing. “If I had any say so some of them wouldn’t be adventuring in the first place” he followed her glance to the young dwarves at the front before turning to side eye a smaller dwarf who gaggled behind. He puffed up at the comment “I am of age Dori and will adventure in aid and service to the king!” Yara noted his red hair, not doning as many braids as the others and wearing what seemed to be yarns and wools instead of leather Dori tutted, choosing not to answer and instead pulling what seemed to be a tangle of nests out of her hair. “Goodness gracious lass when was the last time you tended to this!?”

Before she had a chance to answer the dwarf with a horn of some sort pushed forward “Enough of that Dori! It’s not proper” he scolded slapping the hands from her hair. Dori’s face flushed as he stuttered out a defence. Yara took this moment to march ahead pondering what sort of company she had found herself involved with.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They reached the encampment a short time later and the female was surprised at the creature that stood beside the fattest dwarf, fussing over a pot of some sort. He was shorter than any dwarf and was dressed in light, bright clothing. But was most surprising was the fact that not only was he barefoot but his feet seemed to have beards of their own!

As the Dwarves entered the camp Bilbo was about to ask what had taken them so long when his brain stopped after counting each dwarf, was… was there another one. “Bombour, Bofur, Bifur, Thorin, Balin, Dwalin, Nori Dori, Ori, Oin, Gloin and….” His mutters ceased as he took in the newest addition.   
Well. This was unexpected

As Thorin approached Bilbo went to ask about the newest addition “W-… Who is...? Wher” The so-called King brushed past him without so much as a ‘by-your-leave’ this caused the Hobbit to suck in a frustrated breath, however a clap on his shoulder shook him out of it. Balin gave him a sympathetic smile and the smaller creature’s shoulder a shake “don’t take it personal Laddie, it’s been… a bit of a day” he stated with a soft chuckle “what happened?” “we went to get our two princes and come back with another addition to our little group” he smiled “we don’t know much, just that she is on her own an-“ “I’m sorry, she?!” Bilbo blurted before he could stop himself. 

Balin blinked, bushy white brows rising as Bilbo’s entire face went red, he chanced a glance at the female and yep, of course she was looking at him. “I am so sorry” he whispered “I’ve never seen a- I wouldn’t have dared- I,” “I take no offense Laddie, its true our females are rare and it is quite surprising to find one alone, especially in these parts” “away from mountains?” “aye”

Bilbo looked back to the female once more, relieved that she wasn’t looking at him anymore though he would have to apologise for his less than respectable behaviour! Honestly his father would be appalled. However as he took in her appearance he recalled that Balin had mentioned she was on her own and his heart gave an almost painful twinge of sympathy. Being alone was something that Bilbo Baggins was all too familiar with, he had been without both his parents for over a decade now and had become a bit of a recluse… He sighed a breath as he watched the girl collect what seemed to be very large branches, perhaps she would find comfort in the company of other dwarves as he himself had done...

“Bilbo! Take these to the lads would you” 

Bilbo sighed once more, it seemed as though a hobbit’s work was never done”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deepest apologies for the long wait. I've been having some serious health problems for the past few months and will be getting major surgery within the upcoming weeks (fun times ahead) but I after much fighting I eventually managed to get this chapter out ^^ hopefully the next one will come with less resistance =D  
> \-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After reclaiming her stolen axe Yara had sat herself in front of a tree stump, positioning herself so that she could see all of the dwarves. They had… surprised her by insisting that she eat first, the fat one… Bombur… she thought; He had doled out a large portion of stew that had honestly had her mouth filling with saliva, she couldn’t recall the last time she had stew, proper greens and vegetables were hard to come by and even harder to prepare for. 

She ingested the whole thing in less than a minute which gained her many looks from the surrounding dwarves. 

Not one who liked to be stared at so openly, she retaliated with a challenging glare at the company which caused some to hit and chastise each other for being ‘rude’ and the rest to either look away or remain staring, she didn’t care which. Instead she set about carving points into large branches she collected with her axe. Spears were easy to make and handy for hunting. ‘Or Fighting’ she thought as she glanced over at the largest dwarf who had his axes strapped to his back. She didn’t trust them yet, and seeing how easily they had overpowered her and had taken her defences made her feel… vulnerable. And vulnerability was not an option out here, vulnerability would get you killed.

She grunted as she carved off a stubborn twig, glancing up in time to see the dwarf with the strange hat standing before her “I enjoy a good whittle mysel’ but I much prefer usin’ a knife, gets the job done easier” he grinned, bowing and pulling a knife from his belt. Yara’s eyes tracked the movement and followed as he made to sit beside her pulling out a small block of wood. Yara let out a slight grunt and went back to her task, however the dwarf beside her was not one to be ignored “nice enough weather we’re having, mind though anything’s nice after that rain we had on our travels, two weeks of solid water! I’ve half a mind not to bathe fer a year” he chuckled.

Yara was looking at him with a frown now, her axe and spear hanging loosely. What was he doing? He was talking about, rain and traveling and nothing that concerns her! But he isn’t on his guard, doesn’t care that they don’t know each other or the dangers that lurk in these woods! And instead of carving a dagger or a small weapon he was making…. Making…

“what’s that?” she demanded, nodding to the object in his hand. The dwarf paused and glanced down “this?” he held it up, it appeared to be a figure of some sort “not too sure yet, it hasn’t told me yet” he winked with a smile, which only caused Yara to blink “it… talks to you” she stated, glancing at the object, it didn’t seem to be enchanted… maybe it was cut from a bewitched oak? The dwarf’s sudden laugh startled her and he looked at her with amusement shining in his eyes “naw it doesn’t talk, though it’d be handy if it did” he nodded before tucking his knife away “me cousin Bifur’s a toymaker” he nodded over to the dwarf with the axe embedded in his forehead “an I usually help him make bits n’ pieces, like t’keep me hands busy ye see. Just carve and see what comes from it” He held up the piece closer to inspect it “maybe a warrior? Or maybe a handsome miner” he winked.

Yara stared nonplussed at the slab of wood for a few moments longer before letting out a light hum “y’should make something useful, a weapon” pausing for a moment “s’not safe here” she affirmed as she examined her completed spears, her head snapped up as a few chuckles could be heard in response as Bofur, Nori and Dwalin laughed. 

Yara frowned at this, clearly expecting a different response. They seemed to find this amusing somehow, She looked around through the members, some were looking at her as if she was telling a joke, others were frowning and she noted the red haired one who armed himself with wools seemed to be giving her a strange sort of expression. He frown deepened,“s’not safe” she repeated as Bofur went to wipe a tear “no offence meant lass, we’re all aware the wilds aren’t safe” he chuckled shooting Yara a dimpled grin. She growled in response, her grip tightening on her axe in frustration. A few looks of amusement and confusion were aimed at her, before The Blonde dwarf busted through the clearing “UNCLE! TROLLS! PONIES! BILBO!” he panted as everyone rushed to their feet.

Yara stood hefting her axe over her shoulder as Bofur shot her a surprised look. 

“Not safe” she deadpanned as the rest of the company sprang into action. She took a step towards the bramble that the blond ‘Kili?’ came through, but was halted with a set of hands on her shoulder. She turned catching the eyes of the leader of the company and the tallest, fiercest looking one.

“You will remain here where it is safe and out of harms way” he growled, pushing her back to the ground “Fili! Lead us to where the halfling is” he called before striding towards his nephew. The bald dwarf seemed to eye her for a moment as if giving her a warning before following his kin.

And within a few moments she was alone. She blinked, snorted and rolled her eyes. ‘safe and out of harms way’ she thought with a humourless smile. In all her life she has never been safe so why should she start now? Besides... it was not as though the black haired dwarf was her leader. Her smile fell as she made to follow the dwarves from a distance, wondering if they would be able to tackle the trolls or if they would need her help.  
She supposed she would have to wait and see.

=================================================================

‘Bother and Blast and CONFOUND those dwarves!’

He was going to box their ears! He was going to sneak an assortment of herbs into their meals which would have their bowels quivering until they reached that blasted mountain. 

He was hysterically planning the many numerous ways he was going to punish those troublemakers for abandoning him to get back their stolen ponies “twice like a brown owl indeed” he snarled quietly to himself, trying to keep his movements as slow and silent as possible. He could see three hulking figures; trolls, sat around a large pot of which contents Bilbo did not want to think about. 

He froze as his foot snapped on a twig, he was behind them now. Almost at the ponies, poor Myrtle must be so frightened, if he got her out he would never complain about how her mane caused his eyes to water. “Is’t Done yet? I’m still pickin’ bits of tha’ farmer from last night!” one of them complained. Bilbo let out a silent breath of relief and crept closer. They hadn’t heard him. He could still do this.

The ponies were in a makeshift pen with rope that was thicker than the hobbit’s arm! He pulled at the cords in a frustrated manner, he could not untie them nor had he a means of cutting them. He ducked quickly as the trolls started bickering amongst themselves once more, as one of them stood he caught the gleam of a blade, his own eyes twinkled as he got an idea. Yes, yes that should do it.

Slowly the hobbit crept over to the troll which had the sword strapped to his back, he could hear his heart hammering inside his chest and noted how his hands trembled as he reached toward it… The troll moved and Bilbo turned hastily ‘nope’ he couldn’t do this. He was not brave, he was not a burglar and he could not rescue the ponies! The ponies who were now looking at him as if he were their only salvation… ‘blast’  
With a newfound courage, Bilbo turned once more and prepared to try again.

 

The course of the next few minutes saw Bilbo used as a handkerchief, covered in troll snot, forced to watch as his dwarves came charging into his rescue ‘now wasn’t that thoughtful of them’ and threatened with dismemberment unless Thorin Oakenshield and his company stood down. What surprised the hobbit was the fact that they did! But he found no time to dwell on the matter as they all found themselves bound, sacked and tossed into a pile at the side. A few unfortunate dwarves were put onto a large spit.

All in all it was not going well for them.

Bilbo scanned through the faces of the dwarrow, noting varying expressions of anger and fear. He did notice that they were one member short as he craned his neck and did another quick count it was confirmed that their newest member was not amongst them. ‘A small comfort’ he thought with a sigh ‘perhaps she was wise enough to escape this madness’ shaking his head Bilbo resigned himself to his fate.

“Sun’s nearly out an’ I don’t fancy bein’ turned to stone!” 

Bilbo’s eyes snapped to the troll that spoke, to his companions and then finally to the slowly brightening sky. 

“WAIT!”

The three trolls paused, heads turning to the smallest sack that struggled to stand “you’re going about this all wrong, dreadfully wrong” he finally stood above the dwarves, trying to maintain his composure as he found himself under the scrutiny of the horrid creatures “wha’dyou know bout cookin dwarves?” one asked with a sneer clearly doubting him “hold it, I wanna hear wha’ the burglar’obbit says!” the self-proclaimed chef pushed him back, leaning down towards the hobbit. ‘Breathe through your mouth’ he reminded himself “yes. Ahem, well, us Burglar hobbits are quite efficient at cooking dwarves, best in all middle earth honestly! And I- I wouldn’t trust this lot if I were you, bad catch the lot of them” he nodded his head to the confused pile whom were eyeing him with a mixture of confusion and contempt. “How’d you mean?” the troll asked, eyes narrowing “well, look at them, so tough and crunchy like rocks, exactly like rocks! You’ll break your teeth on them!”

“rubbish! They’se squishy and juicy!” the third troll made a grab for Bombur, pulling him towards his mouth as the fat dwarf struggled and the cries of his kin filled the air

“NO! NOT HIM!” Bilbo cried, shoulders slouching in small relief as the troll paused “why not?” he asked with narrowed eyes and a tilt of his head “He’s, he’s infected! Parasites in his…. His tubes”

this was met with a series of protests

“TRAITOR!”  
“I’LL REMEMBER THIS!”  
“YOU’VE GOT PARASITES!”

Bilbo closed his eyes with a groan.

“I’VE GOT PARASITES!”  
“I’VE GOT TWO!”  
“MINE ARE AS BIG AS MY ARM!”

Bilbo’s eyes opened at the dwarves unexpected change of heart, perhaps this would be enough to convince the trolls not to eat them? Or at the very least buy them more time until the dawn arrived, however one glance at the troll holding the heaviest dwarf ruined those notions. The troll growled, tossing Bombur towards the ground with a snarl “this burglar’obbit is takin’ us for fools!” he snarled at his companions before approaching Bilbo who was desperately trying to shuffle backwards in his sack, not too successfully. He could only watch as thick hands made for him and he squeezed his eyes shut.  
But suddenly there was silence.

“Bert?” 

Bilbo peeked an eye open as two trolls eyed the third wearily. He stood unsteady, eyes somewhat glazed before falling over face first into the ground an axe lodged into the back of his skull which was leaking out a large quantity of blood. “By Mahal’s beard” the dwarrow and hobbit could only stare mouths agape in awe and horror. Bilbo suddenly felt his knees start to sway uneasily, “BERT!” one of the trolls cried kneeling beside him whilst the other one whirled around to find the source of the axe. He bristled at the sight of another, wilder looking dwarf perched on top of large boulder, one arm outstretched whilst the other clutched several handmade spears.  
Yara.

“I’LL GUT YOU!” he cried, pulling his knife from his belt and hurling himself to the rock “I’LL RIP YER LEGS OFF AND CRUSH YER THROAT!”. Yara snarled at the words before she hurled both spears at him, one splintering uselessly against his hard skin whilst the other lodged itself into his open mouth, causing him to choke and splutter. She threw herself onto the ground as the troll tripped, trying to dislodge the stick and slice her at the same time.

However as she landed on the ground the boulder she was standing on suddenly split open. 

“THE DAWN TAKE YOU ALL!”


End file.
